is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
