I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize