Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
