Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
