i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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