Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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