it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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