I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
