Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
