foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The uberlube is also flammable
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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