His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
