that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sarcasm needs its own font
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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