it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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