Small penises have feelings too.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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