after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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