My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
