I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
