She said her name was "party"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
