i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize