You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
