Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
