do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I FOUND THE LEGS
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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