I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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