your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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