I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So squirting runs in the family.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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