Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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