Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
