DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize