3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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