Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
