you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
