have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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