3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
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I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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