I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
