There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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