Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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