you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Even my vagina gasped.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
