They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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