i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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