Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
