why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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