What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
