I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My vagina is very pro this idea
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
