he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
