she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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