when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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