she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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