it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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