Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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