...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
