I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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