You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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