And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
