if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
