Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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