She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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