im drinking this country out of the recession.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
