it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
