I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
