I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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