Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
