I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
