He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
