Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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